Expectation: (noun) a belief that something will happen or is likely to happen; a feeling or belief about how successful, good, etc., someone or something will be. (Merriam-Webster Online).
When you become a parent, you quickly learn that the world around you puts expectations on your child. Books tell you "what to expect"- when your child will start eating solid foods, when your child should talk or even when to expect your child to use the potty (ha)!
Of course, expectations only increase as your child gets older. Social expectations, developmental expectations and educational expectations become the norm for the parent. If any of you ever had the displeasure of parent-teacher conferences that were, um, disappointing....you know what I'm talking about!
"He should be able to sit still in circle time."
"She needs to learn how to write her name."
"He needs to know how to write his homework assignment on his own."
"She shouldn't have tantrums at her age."
Yada, yada, yada. Raise your hand if you've ever had a teacher (or anyone else) share their expectations with you. Realistic or not, expectations put a lot of pressure on your kid. Then reality hits....the expectation is not met, or its met later than you planned. See, that's the thing about expectations...you're usually disappointed when they're not met "on time"!
I learned a loooong time ago that kids work on their own time schedules. Expectations should only be guidelines, not the rule. Expectations can be stressful, especially when a child is aware that he or she isn't "doing" the same thing as their peers. For the past few years, I am sorry to say, that we paid too much attention to the expectations that were placed on our son. The sadder part was when he exceeded expectations in other areas of his life, we didn't celebrate them as much as we could have...since we were so worried about the other things.
As a homeschool mom, I've learned its SO much better to set goals for your child instead of expectations. You see, your child can set his or her own deadline for a goal. If he or she doesn't meet the deadline, that's OK! It can be tweaked. You can adjust the deadline of a goal, but you don't have to give up! Expectation, by its very nature, ties its success to an outside standard or belief in when the deadline should be met. With an expectation, the success lies in the timeline. However, a goal is more personal and its success is measure more in the journey.
That is my goal for 2015....to learn more about the journey of learning and less about when we "should arrive" at its destination.
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
Wednesday, December 3, 2014
"It's The Most Wonderful Time..."
Ah, December! I am probably the ONLY member of my family that loves the months that end in "ber" (September, October....you get the idea). My husband and son are "summer boys". They both share the same birthday in July, their love of warm weather and anything related to summer. They get their party on when the sun is hot.
Me? Not so much. Don't get me wrong, I like summer. However, it's not "my favorite"! (Buddy the Elf, anyone?) Fall months + the month of December = Happy Me. I lived in the Hudson Valley until I was eleven years old and I recall those "ber" months always putting on a good show! Gorgeous foliage, apples, cool weather made me love the fall! Over two years ago, we moved back to the Hudson Valley and it's still glorious. Fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas.....December wraps up my favorite time of year.
I remember last December, however, being particularly stressful. We were in the thralls of a most heinous school year with the primary focus of trying to get used to those "new standards". You know, "CC" (The Standard That Must Not Be Named). Modules. Units. Spending a day or two on a lesson and then quickly moving right along. Three Hours of Homework. Yikes! I still shudder when I think about how miserable my son was...and ultimately, how miserable we all were! Last December, we were pretty burnt out.
This December is a whole new story. We're actually enjoying this Christmas Season with our friends and family. We can still be a little stressed, but not to the point that it is dominating our lives. We're still busy and working very hard, but we're working at a pace that's good for our son.We're finishing up our second quarter and taking a nice Christmas Break. He actually likes the math chapters we're doing right now! He is also finishing up a fun-filled unit on Ancient Rome and he is knee-deep in gladiators, battles and Pompeii. He has also discovered some amazing websites that are introducing him to computer graphics and design. Finally, we've had a blast in our co-op group! During the past couple of months in co-op, he has been taking woodwork, music, gym, cooking and sewing classes (and making new friends in the co-op). I've been having fun co-teaching art and music for "the littles". Our son has described this past fall, with regards to homeschool and co-op, as busy and interesting. The only words that I remember him using to describe last fall were explicative words. Ouch.
Thanks to God, new doors have been opened for us this year! We're living in a bigger, brighter apartment. We're now in the "waiting phase" of adopting our second child. We've been able to travel more often to see family and friends. Finally, we've regained a whole new appreciation for learning as a homeschool family. We're a family that loves to learn together....because learning never stops! ("Mom! Would you stop saying that already???")
Last, but certainly not least, we're a family that's grown in our faith. We can savor December We know that our God is a God of miracles! Christmas is a season of miracles and we've had our share of them. Our family is blessed beyond measure. I can't say that enough. We are so thankful to be homeschoolers and to live the lives we have...even when things are really tough. This Christmas, we know that the best gift we could ever have is God's love, which came to us through His Son. We are truly able to focus on that miracle, which is the reason for this wondrous season.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." - John 3:16
Christmas Blessings to you!
Me? Not so much. Don't get me wrong, I like summer. However, it's not "my favorite"! (Buddy the Elf, anyone?) Fall months + the month of December = Happy Me. I lived in the Hudson Valley until I was eleven years old and I recall those "ber" months always putting on a good show! Gorgeous foliage, apples, cool weather made me love the fall! Over two years ago, we moved back to the Hudson Valley and it's still glorious. Fall, Thanksgiving, Christmas.....December wraps up my favorite time of year.
I remember last December, however, being particularly stressful. We were in the thralls of a most heinous school year with the primary focus of trying to get used to those "new standards". You know, "CC" (The Standard That Must Not Be Named). Modules. Units. Spending a day or two on a lesson and then quickly moving right along. Three Hours of Homework. Yikes! I still shudder when I think about how miserable my son was...and ultimately, how miserable we all were! Last December, we were pretty burnt out.
This December is a whole new story. We're actually enjoying this Christmas Season with our friends and family. We can still be a little stressed, but not to the point that it is dominating our lives. We're still busy and working very hard, but we're working at a pace that's good for our son.We're finishing up our second quarter and taking a nice Christmas Break. He actually likes the math chapters we're doing right now! He is also finishing up a fun-filled unit on Ancient Rome and he is knee-deep in gladiators, battles and Pompeii. He has also discovered some amazing websites that are introducing him to computer graphics and design. Finally, we've had a blast in our co-op group! During the past couple of months in co-op, he has been taking woodwork, music, gym, cooking and sewing classes (and making new friends in the co-op). I've been having fun co-teaching art and music for "the littles". Our son has described this past fall, with regards to homeschool and co-op, as busy and interesting. The only words that I remember him using to describe last fall were explicative words. Ouch.
Thanks to God, new doors have been opened for us this year! We're living in a bigger, brighter apartment. We're now in the "waiting phase" of adopting our second child. We've been able to travel more often to see family and friends. Finally, we've regained a whole new appreciation for learning as a homeschool family. We're a family that loves to learn together....because learning never stops! ("Mom! Would you stop saying that already???")
Last, but certainly not least, we're a family that's grown in our faith. We can savor December We know that our God is a God of miracles! Christmas is a season of miracles and we've had our share of them. Our family is blessed beyond measure. I can't say that enough. We are so thankful to be homeschoolers and to live the lives we have...even when things are really tough. This Christmas, we know that the best gift we could ever have is God's love, which came to us through His Son. We are truly able to focus on that miracle, which is the reason for this wondrous season.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life." - John 3:16
Christmas Blessings to you!
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Worst Case Scenario
Worry. I used to be an expert on making mountains out of molehills. What if the car breaks down? Could this headache be meningitis? Is that a funnel cloud on the horizon? I had a big problem in worrying about the "what ifs" in life. What if the worst case scenario would happen?
Turns out, this year was a year of worst case scenarios. Things like-
I.HAD.IT.ALL.WRONG.
You can't prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. At least, not mentally, physically or emotionally. You can, however, prepare yourself spiritually.
This year, I've learned that faith is the only way you will make it through the worst case scenario. I've also learned that trials prepare you and help you grow...to be blessed. Today, our pastor gave an amazing teaching from the Book of James about how trials are tools to build our faith and bring us closer to God. Trials are tests. We generally don't like tests. I never did and our son especially doesn't like tests (and yes, you still have tests in homeschool!).
Without the "worst case scenarios" of this year, we also wouldn't have had the best blessings of our lives. The opportunity to homeschool. The opportunity to spend extra time with family members around the country. Moving into an apartment that was a better fit for our family. Learning that we were finally ready to build our family again and taking the steps to adopt a second child. None of these blessings would have happened without the trials of this year.
If we change our mindset, and our "heartset", we can see that the worst case scenario is like a midterm or final exam. A test that will get us ready for the next step or blessing in our lives.
There's a beautiful song called " Blessings" by Laura Story. If you've never heard it, go listen to it! Worst case scenarios. Trials. Tribulations. Tests.
She sums it up so perfectly-
"'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
What if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
I get it now.
Turns out, this year was a year of worst case scenarios. Things like-
- Having to pull your kid out of school mid-year
- Finding out that your kid has another chronic illness
- Four ER trips for above mentioned kid
- Breaking a foot
- One ER trip for above mentioned mom
- A yellow lab slipping a disc in his spine THE NIGHT BEFORE the first homestudy visit
- One ER trip for the poor, above mentioned dog
- Postponing travel plans for a big, family trip
- And more..
I.HAD.IT.ALL.WRONG.
You can't prepare yourself for the worst case scenario. At least, not mentally, physically or emotionally. You can, however, prepare yourself spiritually.
This year, I've learned that faith is the only way you will make it through the worst case scenario. I've also learned that trials prepare you and help you grow...to be blessed. Today, our pastor gave an amazing teaching from the Book of James about how trials are tools to build our faith and bring us closer to God. Trials are tests. We generally don't like tests. I never did and our son especially doesn't like tests (and yes, you still have tests in homeschool!).
Without the "worst case scenarios" of this year, we also wouldn't have had the best blessings of our lives. The opportunity to homeschool. The opportunity to spend extra time with family members around the country. Moving into an apartment that was a better fit for our family. Learning that we were finally ready to build our family again and taking the steps to adopt a second child. None of these blessings would have happened without the trials of this year.
If we change our mindset, and our "heartset", we can see that the worst case scenario is like a midterm or final exam. A test that will get us ready for the next step or blessing in our lives.
There's a beautiful song called " Blessings" by Laura Story. If you've never heard it, go listen to it! Worst case scenarios. Trials. Tribulations. Tests.
She sums it up so perfectly-
"'Cause what if your blessings come through raindrops?
What if your healing comes through tears?
What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near?
What if the trials in this life are Your mercies in disguise?"
I get it now.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Teachers' Lounge
I always thought the name "Teachers' Lounge" was a misnomer. "Teachers' Lounge" implies that teachers sit around, eat, drink & shoot the breeze....when they're probably trying to come up for air and just make it through the rest of their day (teaching) and night (planning / grading assignments). Teachers' Lounge?? Hardly! Maybe "Teachers' Bunker" or "Faculty Decompression Chamber"!
I still have a lot of respect for teachers, especially in today's society. In addition to teaching their students, they have a lot of other concerns to keep in mind. School and classroom safety, managing unruly behaviors, keeping up with standardized testing, budget cuts...you get the idea. Even though I'm a homeschool mom, my appreciation and gratitude still goes out to teachers.
Homeschool moms (and dads) juggle being teachers for a good part of the day on top of their other household duties. 24/7. Math, reading, spelling AND vacuuming, dinner and laundry. (Dang! I forgot to take our laundry out of the dryer again!). No break. You're the teacher, cafeteria cook, janitor, nurse, librarian and principal....all rolled up into one person.
So, when do you plan it all? When do you take a breather? You do take breathers, don't you? As for me, "planning time" or "me time" doesn't make it high on my priority list.
I did something today that I don't like to do....I woke up early (Hey! I'm a homeschool mom of an adolescent boy, remember?). God Bless my wonderful husband for waking up so early every day to support our family! My commute from the bedroom to the living room is a lot shorter. I woke up early to help my husband out with something before he left for work and I actually stayed awake. I had about 2 hours of time for myself! I ate breakfast sitting down. I had extra time to read my Bible in peace and quiet. I got caught up on some emails. I lesson planned for a couple of extra weeks and did some prep work for new units. In other words, I didn't cram hours of work into a few minutes.
Maybe this "Teachers Lounge" concept is a little unrealistic for homeschoolers. However, I do hope the idea of "Teacher Time" or "Mom Time" will start to be a regular occurrence in my Google Calendar and in my overloaded Homeschool Planner.
Now, if you'll excuse me...its 10:15 pm and I still need to unload my dryer!
I still have a lot of respect for teachers, especially in today's society. In addition to teaching their students, they have a lot of other concerns to keep in mind. School and classroom safety, managing unruly behaviors, keeping up with standardized testing, budget cuts...you get the idea. Even though I'm a homeschool mom, my appreciation and gratitude still goes out to teachers.
Homeschool moms (and dads) juggle being teachers for a good part of the day on top of their other household duties. 24/7. Math, reading, spelling AND vacuuming, dinner and laundry. (Dang! I forgot to take our laundry out of the dryer again!). No break. You're the teacher, cafeteria cook, janitor, nurse, librarian and principal....all rolled up into one person.
So, when do you plan it all? When do you take a breather? You do take breathers, don't you? As for me, "planning time" or "me time" doesn't make it high on my priority list.
I did something today that I don't like to do....I woke up early (Hey! I'm a homeschool mom of an adolescent boy, remember?). God Bless my wonderful husband for waking up so early every day to support our family! My commute from the bedroom to the living room is a lot shorter. I woke up early to help my husband out with something before he left for work and I actually stayed awake. I had about 2 hours of time for myself! I ate breakfast sitting down. I had extra time to read my Bible in peace and quiet. I got caught up on some emails. I lesson planned for a couple of extra weeks and did some prep work for new units. In other words, I didn't cram hours of work into a few minutes.
Maybe this "Teachers Lounge" concept is a little unrealistic for homeschoolers. However, I do hope the idea of "Teacher Time" or "Mom Time" will start to be a regular occurrence in my Google Calendar and in my overloaded Homeschool Planner.
Now, if you'll excuse me...its 10:15 pm and I still need to unload my dryer!
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
"Mom! Look on the bright side..."
Oy! It has been a rough, couple of weeks! About three weeks ago, our son was started to develop a partial blockage related to his GI condition. It was causing him some pain and frustration. A couple of x-rays, doctor visits and an ER trip later, we got a handle on things and it cleared up. It was God's timing, as it cleared up the day before we took a long weekend to FL to visit my husband's parents.Whew! He was fine for our trip. We had a nice time visiting my in-laws and spending some quality time with them. We even snuck a couple of beach trips and I was able to spend an afternoon with my best friend since junior high.
The day after we came back from Florida, our son started developing an asthma flare. Our boy has been fighting chronic asthma since he was a baby and illness/allergies are his biggest triggers. So, where did he pick up this recent cough? Allergies? Waiting room at the GI doctor? Picking up a cold from the ER visit? A cold from flying on the airplane? Who knows where the cough and congestion came from? This cough was here to stay!
Our timeline for the past couple of weeks went something like this: bad cough, doctor call, begin OTC cold and allergy medicines, activate asthma action plan, more coughing, another doctor call, switch from inhalers to nebulizers, cough progresses, another doctor call, oral steroids, more coughing, another doctor call (BTW- we have an AWESOME pulmonologist who was able to help us manage this entire asthma flare without our son needing to come in for a visit), antibiotics, another doctor call. We also prayed without ceasing, threw in daily, pulse ox finger checks for good measure. Pushed liquids. Slept with one eye open in case he needed a nebulizer treatment at 12 am...and 4 am...and so on...
I think our fighter is finally getting over the worst of this asthma flare and it only took two whole weeks. Needless to say, it put a big damper on extra-curricular activities and outings. Thankfully as a homeschool family, we schooled when he was up for it and rested when he wasn't up for school. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE the flexibility of our homeschool schedule?!?!!!
A couple of years ago, our son had a pretty bad asthma flare similar to this one. At the time, he was in regular school and he missed about two weeks of school. I sometimes forget how bad these asthma flare ups get until another one sneaks up on our boy.
Today, as I was giving my sweet kid his umpteenth nebulizer treatment, I told him "I'm sorry, honey, that I have to give you another breathing treatment! I know you're slowly getting better, but these are a drag, aren't they?". His reply? "Mom! Look on the bright side, I didn't have to go to the hospital or miss any school since we schooled in the summer!".
Those were his words. It has been a loooong time since he has said "Look on the bright side!". He used to be a "look on the bright side" kind of kid since he was a little guy. Then he got older and that stopped, for a long time. No more bright side.
This must mean that our wonderful son...the fighter... sees the bright side again! This is especially tough when you're an almost-teenage boy going through some health issues. He sees the bright side again, despite everything our poor kid has been through during these past few weeks. Sometimes, the most important things we can learn are the things we used to know from a long time ago.
THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!!
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise."
- Jeremiah 17:14
The day after we came back from Florida, our son started developing an asthma flare. Our boy has been fighting chronic asthma since he was a baby and illness/allergies are his biggest triggers. So, where did he pick up this recent cough? Allergies? Waiting room at the GI doctor? Picking up a cold from the ER visit? A cold from flying on the airplane? Who knows where the cough and congestion came from? This cough was here to stay!
Our timeline for the past couple of weeks went something like this: bad cough, doctor call, begin OTC cold and allergy medicines, activate asthma action plan, more coughing, another doctor call, switch from inhalers to nebulizers, cough progresses, another doctor call, oral steroids, more coughing, another doctor call (BTW- we have an AWESOME pulmonologist who was able to help us manage this entire asthma flare without our son needing to come in for a visit), antibiotics, another doctor call. We also prayed without ceasing, threw in daily, pulse ox finger checks for good measure. Pushed liquids. Slept with one eye open in case he needed a nebulizer treatment at 12 am...and 4 am...and so on...
I think our fighter is finally getting over the worst of this asthma flare and it only took two whole weeks. Needless to say, it put a big damper on extra-curricular activities and outings. Thankfully as a homeschool family, we schooled when he was up for it and rested when he wasn't up for school. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE the flexibility of our homeschool schedule?!?!!!
A couple of years ago, our son had a pretty bad asthma flare similar to this one. At the time, he was in regular school and he missed about two weeks of school. I sometimes forget how bad these asthma flare ups get until another one sneaks up on our boy.
Today, as I was giving my sweet kid his umpteenth nebulizer treatment, I told him "I'm sorry, honey, that I have to give you another breathing treatment! I know you're slowly getting better, but these are a drag, aren't they?". His reply? "Mom! Look on the bright side, I didn't have to go to the hospital or miss any school since we schooled in the summer!".
Those were his words. It has been a loooong time since he has said "Look on the bright side!". He used to be a "look on the bright side" kind of kid since he was a little guy. Then he got older and that stopped, for a long time. No more bright side.
This must mean that our wonderful son...the fighter... sees the bright side again! This is especially tough when you're an almost-teenage boy going through some health issues. He sees the bright side again, despite everything our poor kid has been through during these past few weeks. Sometimes, the most important things we can learn are the things we used to know from a long time ago.
THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!!
"Heal me, O LORD, and I will be healed; Save me and I will be saved, for You are my praise."
- Jeremiah 17:14
Monday, September 15, 2014
Time to breathe!
Whew! Its been a whirlwind during these past, several weeks.
Packing, schooling, change of address emails/phone calls/paperwork, more packing, moving, unpacking, more schooling, a little bit of decorating, more unpacking, even more schooling and getting ready for our homestudy classes. Yowza! We've been working hard.
I've barely had time to catch my breath...until now. So, while we're breathing and decompressing (and still unpacking), I thought I'd share a few things that have made me say "Ahh!" during these recent days:
Packing, schooling, change of address emails/phone calls/paperwork, more packing, moving, unpacking, more schooling, a little bit of decorating, more unpacking, even more schooling and getting ready for our homestudy classes. Yowza! We've been working hard.
I've barely had time to catch my breath...until now. So, while we're breathing and decompressing (and still unpacking), I thought I'd share a few things that have made me say "Ahh!" during these recent days:
- The two skylights and plentiful, natural light in our new apartment.
- The QUIET in our new apartment!
- Spending time with our homeschool friends.
- Knowing that our son LOVES his new, twice-a-month, co-op group and his once-a-month, outdoor wilderness classes.
- Knowing that our son also loves being in Civil Air Patrol! What??? You're the parent of a 12-18 year old son or daughter who may be interested in the Air Force & you've NEVER heard of Civil Air Patrol????? www.gocivilairpatrol.com
- A few hours of downtime at Panera (free Wi-Fi!) + my Basic Airman Cadet at his weekly Civil Air Patrol meeting = dinner treat for this mama and a new, blog post!
- Racking up extra homeschool hours during the summer...another vacation to Florida at the end of this month (that also deserves a woo-hoo!).
- Knowing that an amazing, little girl will someday (hopefully soon) come home & enjoy the new room and apartment that we're getting ready for her!
These little things (and even bigger things) may not seem like a big deal to you... but to me, they're blissful moments and bring me peace.
Friday, August 22, 2014
A Commentary for a "Back to School World"
"It's that time of year!" Television, radio, internet, magazines, newspapers, stores, signs everywhere are announcing it's Back to School Time!
Wow! I didn't realize how much our society revolves around the traditional school year until we stepped away from regular school. On every channel, I see "Back to School Sale" commercials for clothes, shoes, electronics and school supplies.. At the grocery store, I glance at magazines that share their "School Night Dinner Recipes" and "Tips for Getting Your Kids Ready for School". I've even seen the pictures and video clips of parents who are dancing, singing and acting like they won the lottery because they're kids are finally going back to school! Woo-hoo!! Everyone is so happy!!!
As happy as parents are that their kids are finally going back to school, I wonder if they've forgotten the frustrations, problems and even heartaches from the months of the previous school year. Common Core (There! I said it!). Increasing hours of homework. Cookie cutter learning. Stress from over-testing. Teachers who are overwhelmed with overcrowded classrooms. Budget cuts in the arts. Bullying. Cyberbullying. Promiscuity. School Violence.
Let's talk about bullying for a moment. I just read an article,"Safety Net" by Lambeth Hochwald, in the September issue of Family Circle. In her article, Ms. Hochwald shared that "up to one in three kids report being victimized at school" and "49% of students between grades 4 and 12 say they've been targeted at least once in the past month".
Being the new kid in elementary, middle and high school (we moved around a lot), I was often bullied. Our son was bullied in school, as were some of his friends. Statistics don't lie, bullying has become more rampant than ever. Not only is bullying on the rise, but it's getting worst in ways we never could have never imagined! Cyberbullying that is 24/7. Cruel videos of kids who are being victimized floating around the Internet. Apps and websites that are virtual playgrounds for kids to bully each other in anonymity. More news of kids retaliating with unspeakable violence. Did we ever think that bullying could be taken to these new, scary levels?
In August and September, we try not to think about these things. Parents are optimistic and hopeful for a good year...but aren't we just sweeping these problems under the rug? Trying to focus on the happy, back to school season until these many issues start rearing their ugly heads. We'll keep sweeping until the lump under the rug gets bigger and bigger...and then we'll have to deal with it. Year after year. It just gets harder and harder. As a parent, you don't know what to do.
In previous posts, I've mentioned that there are a lot of freedoms that go along with being a homeschool family. Freedom from scheduling vacations around the school year. Freedom in having your days be less stressful. Freedom in having your child's learning be a hands-on experience. Freedom in knowing your child is in a safe, learning environment. Freedom in teaching your child to learn in the way that is best suited for him or her. What I know, as a homeschool parent, is there is a freedom in not being of the "Back to School World". Freedom is being blessed to be able to do what is best for your child and family.
I'm through with sweeping things under the rug. Our happiness is year round now....not just the first months of fall or first months of summer..
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